I Practiced “Sitting the Month”
I practiced an ancient Chinese tradition called Sitting the Month in the first 30 days postpartum.
It’s basically how it sounds. I sat inside the house for 30 straight days, conforming to a set of traditional rules. And it was actually longer because of quarantine and the peak of the pandemic.
I couldn’t stand to not wash my hair for over 30 days. I had to only use ginger water to wash with. At the 30-day mark, I was relieved to able to wash my hair with real shampoo and conditioner!
In this practice, the mother confines herself in the home, 100% focused on her baby - learning how to take care of her baby, learning how to breastfeed, and replenishing nutrients lost during childbirth.
She is catered to by family and is provided nourishing foods and rest. The entire month is dedicated to creating a physical and emotional sacred space for the mother and baby to bond, heal, and recover. I’ve learned that in Asia, mothers can choose to practice this at home OR pay for a luxury stay at a postpartum facility where staff caters to the women (how nice, right?!).
I was tied down to these traditional rules dictated by the practice (most postpartum rules in China are similar to the ones below, but there are different variations depending on the region and family):
I wasn’t allowed to clean, decorate or re-arrange the bedroom to avoid putting stress on my body and disrupting the flow of the environment
I LOVE wearing white and having white bedsheets, but that wasn’t allowed because of the color association with death
My friends and other family members couldn’t visit me and I couldn’t step outside of the house either because of how “vulnerable” my body was
I had to maintain a steady, warm body temperature so I wasn’t allowed:
To shower, use ice packs, or cold sprays on the perineum
To eat spicy or raw foods, fruits, vegetables
To drink anything cold
I had to keep my head and toes covered in a hat, thick socks, and slippers, to trap the warmth in
The last rule that was the hardest to follow was avoiding electronics. It’s said that these are modern distractions that can strain the eyes and cause disruptions in maintaining a healthy mental state.
Following these rules was challenging, but the goal of the practice is to protect the qi, which means energy, and replenish all the blood and nutrients lost in the process of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding.
My diet in postpartum consisted of a lot of meat and broth to nourish the qi, with ginger and Chinese dates (jujubes) as regular ingredients. Black chicken, beef, pork, duck, and pig's trotter were rotated in meals, and eggs were a staple. Raw fruits and vegetables are excluded. Eating cooked, warm and light-fiber foods are supposed to be less taxing on the digestive system, which prevents any digestive issues passed to a newborn baby. It’s also supposed to reduce bleeding, increase blood flow, and milk flow.
The first 30 days after giving birth were some of the hardest days of my life.
And I thought I was able to catch a break after giving birth!
Postpartum depression and anxiety were present and real despite the luxury of food and rest. It didn’t help that my parents and I don’t always get along, so this tension was definitely heightened when I was going through a rollercoaster of emotions. Cultural values and customs divide us at times, so when it came to parenting, it was a whole other terrain that we hadn’t crossed yet. Every time I was caught on my phone came with disappointment. I knew the good intention behind the ancient practice, but it was a struggle to remember.
In Chinese culture, you’re raised to respect your elders and the cultural customs, so I tried my best to hold back when it came to differences in parenting approaches and all of the rules I had to conform by in the first 30 days.
In hindsight, I saw the benefits of nurturing my qi. I produced so much milk in the first month that I froze over 500 milk bags. I felt the whole body nourishment from "sitting the month." I learned why this practice was so important even if I didn’t 100% agree with every rule. I learned about the different healing foods and soups and their benefits on the postpartum and breastfeeding body. I learned so much about my newborn baby during this sacred time. I grew into motherhood, combining a Chinese and American approach.
I’m also thankful and extremely grateful for my parents' help. They didn’t stay up with me through the nights, but they cleaned my room and bathroom, hand-washed baby clothes, folded my laundry, and provided a home-cooked meal ready at the table every morning, noon and evening. They helped me with naptimes when they could and made sure that I was healthy, eating well, and could rest whenever the baby was sleeping (this is a story for another post on newborn cat naps and the constant, never-ending pumping/feeding/cleaning cycle).
After my 30 day confinement, we held a quarantine-size celebration for baby’s first month of life, also called 滿月 (man yue). In a non-pandemic world, she would’ve made a grander debut at a large party with family and friends (like a sweet sixteen!). I dressed her up with a red bow, a color that’s strongly associated with good blessings, and she received her first set of red envelopes from family, representing good luck, fortune, and prosperity. Red envelopes contain money and can be in any amount from the giver. They're common gifts to give in the Chinese culture during birthdays, Lunar New Year, and celebrations or special occasions.
In reflecting upon my experience, I am grateful for “sitting the month” because I can see how the practice improved my milk supply, strengthened my immunity, and allowed me and my daughter to bond and create a sacred sanctuary. Even though there were a lot of elements I disagreed with, there are actually also elements of the practice in which I’d take with me and modernize.
Are there any cultural challenges you faced as a new mother?